On the Mend

How true!

I've had a long hard year but things are definitely looking up again.  I'm moving in the right direction and I'm feeling good!  After hitting the bottom of this whirlwind life of mine (or what I hope was the bottom), I awoke feeling like a new person with a better perspective. I've been able to sit down and THINK clearly and start putting the pieces of my broken self back together again.  I saw some pretty dark days and never do I want to find myself there again.  Somewhere along the way I lost myself - belief in myself. I shut everyone out and buried myself deeper and deeper into my suffocating hole. It was a very lonely, dark place to be.  No more. I feel the sunshine, hear the music and know that I have emerged once again. I have found my peace and it feels awesome!

I'm ready to get this blog back on the path it was meant to be on... one about walking/running and weight loss - but first I'll have to dust off the crumbs of those four Oreo cookies I just ate!   I appreciate all of the support I have received from so many of you, strangers and friends alike.  Thanks for the personal e-mails and the messages. It's always a comfort to know people care, especially when you are in your darkest of days. Thanks for helping pull me through my personal storm.

Now, about walking/running....

Bullseye and I are doing the full marathon here in Vancouver on June 15th.  It will be Bullseye's first full marathon and my fifth. As always, I expect it to be a great experience!  :)

We ARE training and neither of us are plagued with injuries - unlike last year! We no longer belong to an official training program but we know the drill, we've been doing it long enough! We are committed to training and to training with each other so we will both be successful in June.  Without the training, it's hell and you end up hurt (as described in last year's Marathon post here.).  Not so smart.

We are walking and running, doing what feels best to us at the time.  We will be doing 12 miles tomorrow and I'm looking forward to it! Last week we did 11 miles in the POURING rain! We were SOAKED to the bone but were laughing and actually having a great time! Dare I say... IT WAS FUN!!   Tomorrow there is a less chance of rain but you never know around here.  Regardless, we'll be out there training and we'll have a good time doing it.  :)

As for weight loss...

There hasn't been much of that going on for me but at least I'm not gaining.  I lost 7 pounds but haven't gone down any further.  Could it be those Oreo cookies?! I'm struggling to stay committed but I'm trying. I've lost it before and know I can lose it again. One step at a time here. I'll get there. I no longer binge eat (I haven't since before the holidays) but I love sugar (duh!) and have a hard time staying away from it. It's truly an addiction. Better than alcohol, I suppose, but still... a bad addiction.

About Elephants...  So much for staying on topic - I'm chattier when I feel good! heh heh...

I went to Celestial Awakenings to buy more incense and some rocks I "needed".  My son told me to ask the owners why I was so attracted to and attached to elephants. I LOVE THEM! - I have elephant tattoos, elephant pictures in my home, elephant figures, elephant jewelry, etc. - they are the only animal I really want to see at the zoo and I would own one if I could!! (I know... crazy, huh?!)  But WHY? 

If anyone could tell me, I knew they could.  Jeff, one of the owners, took me straight over to an animal book and looked up elephants.  Everything it said was totally ME. Amazing.

The Elephant is my animal spirit guide.

(Hey... I am who I am and I make no excuses or pretenses.)

Elephant represents gentle strength, loyalty and love of family, partners and friends. They are also a symbol of sexuality. <---- Well... ok... not TOTALLY me but skip this statement!  Elephant is very sensitive to fragrance and smells (Sooo true! I'm allergic to fragrance and I can smell things a mile away!), which may be a message to you to work with aromatherapy (I love earthy smelling incense and find them very relaxing.).  As your animal totem, Elephant reminds you of the importance of taking care of family — especially the young and the elderly. He teaches compassion and loyalty. He represents royalty, ancient wisdom, power and strength. Due to his great strength, he can help you remove obstacles that are getting in the way of your happiness, goals and ability to lead a stable life.  (Boy do I need the Elephant in my back pocket right now!)  

Elephant’s cycle of power is year-round.

If Elephant Shows up (like... every day... he's tattooed on my body!)...

Make it a point to be of service in some way to the young, elderly, or those less fortunate than yourself.  (Soooo me!)

Do not let anything stand in the way of attaining this goal that is so integral to your purpose.

You have the determination and persistence required to overcome the current challenges you are faced with.

Trust your senses, and if something in your life “smells” bad, take the necessary action to do away with it.

Remain loyal to those closest to you in spite of anyone questioning their integrity.

It’s a good time to renew your sense of connectedness to the divine.

And ONE MORE random topic here...  FUNDRAISING

I'm about to seriously start fundraising again for the 3-Day, 60-Mile walk I do every year in support of breast cancer! It's my FIFTH YEAR! I'm already off to a good start but need to get moving on it so I don't panic at the last minute to get my fundraising completed. Every single walker must raise $2,300.00 to participate.  Would you help me and support a good cause?!  Every single dollar counts and no amount is too small.  Seriously... if you want to help but can only afford $5 - $10... that's perfectly fine and very appreciated! Donate with your name or donate anonymously!  Click here or at the top of my blog to get to my personal donation page.  And... THANK YOU!!

HITTING ROCK BOTTOM

I hit it and I hit it hard.  

But as always, there is a positive to every negative. I have no where to go but up now. 

I obviously had to hit the bottom before I could begin to focus and start putting the pieces of my shattered self back together again.  I was under such a dark cloud! The storm was extremely destructive - I became someone desperate... wild... careless... and unrecognizable. Was that really me?

How could hitting the bottom make me feel so much better almost immediately? My mind is clear and focused.  I feel almost happy and that hasn't been the case for quite awhile.

I look back and it seems like it was all a bad dream - a terrible nightmare.  Unfortunately it was all too real. I hurt and worried other people in the process too and for that, I'm truly very, very sorry.

It is time to start taking care of myself and climbing back UP.

Hazel Dell Half Marathon 2014

The Hazel Dell Half on Sunday, February 23rd was the first event of 2014 for me. I was not prepared – I’m out of shape, didn’t train for it, don’t eat correctly, and I haven’t been getting a lot of sleep lately. I put the event out of my mind until Saturday, the day before, when I had to go pick up my race packet and actually face the fact that the event was the following morning.

Nanette (aka Bullseye) and I met to get our packets and then went out to lunch. She didn’t train much for it either (certainly more than I did though) but she has started going back to the gym so she was a tad bit more prepared than I was. We ate our carbs and talked about the race. We both said the time didn’t matter but to finish was our only goal.

Sunday morning I woke up really excited and ready to do the half! It felt so good to be excited about something… anything… because my life hasn’t exactly been full of joy and laughter lately. I knew I could do it (with or without training) and was excited to get back out there on the pavement and find the peace of mind I always find while walking/running.

The race started around 8:30 and it was sunny and 36 degrees out – perfect weather! The first part of the race was mostly downhill so Bullseye and I took advantage of gravity and ran our way down (Now, hold on, neither of us are fast runners so don’t visualize us in a wild blurrrrr here.). We then ran parts of the flat areas too, off and on. It was an out and back route and the turnaround was at the west end of the Salmon Creek Park path. We were making excellent time, banking up some extra time to climb those blasted hills on the way back. Around Mile 9, Bullseye continued to run and Buzz (aka Me – yours truly) could no longer do it. I simply ran out of steam which did not surprise me at all. What surprised me was that I had made it that far before burning out. I told Bullseye to go on ahead and chase after her previous record. I just didn’t have it in me to push any harder. I was tired! She went on ahead and I watched her go until I lost sight of her. Run like the wind, Bullseye!

The hills back up were everything they were not on the way down… HARD, PAINFUL and SLOW. As tired as I was, I kept telling myself to keep going – keep putting one foot in front of the other - it was as simple as that. A couple of times I had to tell myself to dig a little deeper because I was really slowing down. Even though my time did not really matter to me I certainly did not want to record my slowest personal time ever. I am not that out of shape! I kept going.

I came into the home stretch and waived to Bullseye and her family there waiting for me. I mustered up a little jog and made it through the finish line without tripping over my tired feet. I finished in 3:09:44, averaging 14:29 minute miles. Not bad at all for no training and being 40 pounds heavier! I was very pleased with my time, for pushing through the pain and for making it through that finish line without the aid of a paramedic. heh heh

After a nice lunch together and laughing at and vetoing the postings of ANY of MY pictures (I looked STUFFED into my shirt! Oh that’s right… I WAS!), I went home and showered and then headed out the door to take care of some errands. No need to plop on the couch and rest… not me!

Today my thighs are screaming loudly every time I stand up and start moving but other than that, I feel great! No blisters, no knee pain, no shin pain… just aching, screaming thighs. I’ll take it. I earned it!

I really do miss my walking/running adventures and I’m ready to sign up and get back out there!

Buzz might just be reemerging. Now only if the thinner Buzz would show up for the party!