Mt. St. Helens

I climbed Mt. St. Helens!!  YES! I DID!!  It has been three days and I still cannot believe it! I really did it! What a GREAT adventure!! 

Climbing Mt. St. Helens was the hardest thing I have ever physically done in my life. It was brutal.  But it was wonderful, enjoyable and exciting too! 

My brother, Russ, flew from Virginia to climb the mountain with me. Russ climbed it before about 10 years ago. It was great having him along because… well… he’s my brother!  I felt safe and encouraged with him by my side.  Every time I looked at him, saw his smile, I kept going!  Russ is my younger brother but Russ takes on the role of “protector” and “big brother” and I soak it up every time!  Thank you, little bro!

Russ arrived on Thursday night with his backpack, hiking gear, and lots of excitement! We got up early Friday morning and started going through the checklist, making sure we had everything we needed. I wasn’t the most organized (really?) but after 3 hours and many trips running up and down the stairs to get my belongings all in one place (it was extra training, right?), we finally checked it all off and were ready to go! 

We headed out to Climbers Bivouac where we would be tenting it overnight. Camping the night before was all part of the adventure! It saved driving time in the morning and the risk of getting lost in the dark, but also required some forethought regarding meals that night and in the morning before the hike.  Meals needed to be “substantial”, of course. Would we pack along burners and warm up our meals or just go with the flow and eat cold, but hardy food? Russ and I are easy going people and cold food was fine for us. Forget the effort of cooking anything! Breakfast before the hike was cold, home-prepared oatmeal with blueberries and a vanilla protein drink mixed into it. It was good and “substantial.” Score! I love camping with easy going, no-effort people! You rock, Russ!

We arrived at the camping area around 1:00 p.m. We set up our tent, organized our backpacks AGAIN (for the 1000^th time) and wondered if we could leave anything behind out of our nearly 40 pound backpacks. Every ounce counted and if we could eliminate anything at all to reduce the weight without risking our safety it sure would be nice. We debated, talked about removing a couple of extra items and then went walking around.

Pepper and Lucky Chuck along for the Ride

Climbers were coming off the trail and happy to share their stories about the hike and the weather. It couldn't be too hard, right?! We noticed a man sitting at a picnic table near the trailhead and wondered if he was one of the guides from the Mt. St. Helens Institute, the group we would be climbing the mountain with the following day. Russ struck up a conversation and sure enough, Joe Flynn was a volunteer with the group and would in fact be one of our guides (he was climbing two days in a row!).  He advised us to take EVERYTHING that was on the list and that we leave nothing behind because of this reason or that. Okaaaay, we’ll carry it all.  He talked to us about the hike, the “energy of the mountain” (his eyes literally lit up), the difficulties people face, and so on. He said people “hit the wall” and that was language I understood! When running/walking marathons, people “hit the wall” and that’s it - you cannot go any further. You are done physically... mentally... done. I told him I was a marathon walker and that I knew what “the wall” was. He said he had heard marathoners say that climbing this mountain was a lot harder than doing a marathon.  (What?! Reallllllly?! Oh dear.... what had I gotten myself into?) I thought I had all the confidence I needed to climb this mountain but I was truly getting worried and doubtful. A marathon is HARD, harder than anything else I've ever done. Could I actually do this? We told Joe we would see him in the morning at 5:45 and walked away. We went back to our tent and definitely kept everything in our backpacks.

With time to do as we wanted, we went on a drive through the wilderness, saw a huge washout that occurred in the 90’s (unbelievable what water is capable of doing), and enjoyed the beauty.

We ate our cold dinner around our campfire, walked to see a great view of the mountain and “feel the energy”, and stayed up past dark to enjoy the millions of stars in the sky.

Russ is very knowledgeable about the stars and planets and overwhelmed me (in a good way) with facts that I could never understand in a million light years!  haha 

During the night I dreamed of talking to the mountain, asking it to help me, to work with me and to let me accomplish my goal of reaching the top.  Could this have been the “energy” visiting my dreams?

Morning came quickly (4:45 alarm). We got dressed, ate our cold oatmeal, did some last minute adjusting and headed over to the trailhead where we met up with Joe, another volunteer, Ed, and two guides who work for the Institute, Julian and Moses. Julian Cross is the lead climbing guide who happens to be from San Antonio, Texas. (That was all the reason I needed to like and trust him!)

Joe and Julian

Joe

Excitement was in the air!  We all introduced ourselves and with only 8 climbers and the 4 guides – we were in for a very personal experience! We were told about the mountain, what to expect (“boulder fields”) and to enjoy the climb. Off we went!

At the Trailhead

The climb is divided into three sections: the forest, boulder fields and scree, which is a mix of ash and pumice (like "beach sand" or "kitty litter" as Russ calls it).  Did I have a clue what “boulder fields” were? Um… no. 

The first two miles are in the forest. From the moment you step into the woods on the trail, you are climbing in elevation; however, the elevation gain in the forest is nothing compared to what we would encounter. This part was easy-peasy. (I got this!) Once you hit the edge of the forest you had one last chance to go to the bathroom privately, put on your sunblock and gloves, and get prepared for the real climbing to begin. Say farewell to the trees and hello to the rocks! Big rocks. Boulders.

The trail follows a rocky ridge, Monitor Ridge, on the south face of the mountain most of the way up. Between the forest and the boulder fields is an area with sand, gravel and plenty of rocks, big and small. This is the area where I started to question myself and my ability to actually climb this monster (So soon? I know!).  It was slippery with plenty of rocks to bust my face on and edges to fall off of.  I was SCARED - scared of my lack of experience. Seriously. Not only was I terrified I was going to fall and hurt myself, I knew I would eventually have to come back down and that thought frightened me even more. Russ and I had earlier discussed his Mt. Rainier climbs and he told me his rule to himself…that he had to tell himself ten different times that he wanted to turn back before he would actually allow himself to give up and turn back. I adopted this rule for myself and it was during this time, in this area of the climb, that I told myself four different times (the only four times) that I was not going to make it. I honestly wanted to turn back and give up. I was scared and full of doubts, already physically struggling, and already doubting my ability to keep my balance (my nearly deaf ears result in crappy balance) but I could not allow myself to quit… not yet. So I kept going.

Next up… boulder fields. I had no idea what to expect until I saw them. Prior to being at the foot of the field I believed it to be big slabs of rocks / boulders that it would take too long to hike around and therefore we had to climb over it, walk across it and then merrily continue on our way. I was wrong. Very wrong. Boulder fields are just that…. a large area of boulders piled on top of boulders on top of more boulders, on top of MORE boulders! No ground… just boulders. Some people (okay, most) were able to navigate their way up on their feet, using their poles for balance. Not yours truly – I became a spider. Balance is not my thing. The poles were put away (after I almost killed myself with them and anyone in close range - sorry Julian!) and I literally crawled up every single one of those boulders using my hands and feet, stopping between each step to locate my next. Amazingly I really ENJOYED this part. I didn’t fear falling and I trusted myself because I felt grounded. It may not have been the fastest way to get up or the most graceful but it worked for me and that’s all that mattered.

Julian was always right behind me

Joe was always right in front of me

Our Group (photo by MSHI Volunteer - Ed Golding)

Once past a couple of these fields, I was feeling strong and confident. I didn’t allow myself to think about the challenges that were ahead or how far away the summit still was. I focused on the rock/step in front of me and kept moving forward and up. At one of our next stops Joe told me he really believed I was going to make it to the summit. Eyes wide with excitement, I said “Really?!” “Yes I do." He said he had watched my confidence grow as I climbed and he believed I would make it. Within two minutes (or less) from him uttering those beautiful words, my right upper thigh cramped up so badly it took my breath away. It hurt like hell! People in our group were starting to move up, including Russ and Joe, and I saw them look back at me like “uh oh.”  I was bent over in shear agony and Julian came to check on me. He pulled out a Gatorade and asked if it was anything I would possibly consider drinking (I HATE Gatorade but he didn’t know that). I drank it down as quickly as possible while suffering through more pain. He gave me potassium pills which I also very willingly took. Anything to make the cramping stop. Russ and Joe came back down to me and I saw Joe and Julian discussing who was going to walk me back down the mountain while the others continued up to the summit. I couldn’t believe my situation and kept thinking that I didn’t want the damn cramp to end it all for me. I had come too far and worked too hard. And then as fast as that horrific cramp came on, it left. Russ told me he would go back down the mountain with me and Joe and all I could do was aggressively point my finger UP the mountain. He asked, “You want to continue UP?” I vigorously shook my head up and down, pointed up the mountain again, heard him gleefully say “Okkkkkkkkay!” and up we went! Damn cramp was not going to ruin my day.

Joe told me to remember that I had climbed higher than many people in the world so I had accomplished a great deal already and that I should be proud of that, that I just needed to take it one step at a time and see where that took me. I still worried I wasn't going to reach the top and knew I couldn't be hard on myself if that's the way it turned out. I had no idea how long the cramp would stay away. I told Joe and Julian that "My summit is my summit, whether or not it is the mountain's summit." and kept moving.

We finished climbing the boulders and arrived at the base of the scree area. The summit looked SO CLOSE but was still a tough climb away! Walking in the scree area is like walking up a very steep hill in deep sand - it's tough, slow and frustrating. One step forward, a half step backwards, sometimes more. The strong winds at this elevation didn't help either.

I put my head down and paced myself, not wanting to think about the effort I knew it was going to take to complete this climb. I started getting emotional because I knew deep in my heart that I was going to make it even if I had to crawl on my hands and knees. I WAS GOING TO MAKE IT TO THE TOP!  Un-frickin-believable!!  

Wind-filled jacket! ;)

Next time I'll be brave enough to look up along the way!
(photo by MSHI Volunteer - Ed Golding)

(photo by MSHI Volunteer - Ed Golding)

And I did it!!

Russ was beaming! I'll always remember his smile and how proud he was of me for being so determined to reach the top! He kept telling me that I did it and congratulating me! That too made me emotional because I always want my little bro to be proud of me!

At the top we took pictures of ourselves and of Pepper and Lucky Chuck (who hitched rides with us all the way up), and couldn't stop grinning! We sat down to eat and enjoy the beauty. I remember thinking I had never seen anything like it other than while sitting in an airplane (boring). We were SO HIGH UP THERE! I truly was in disbelief that I had actually made it. I honestly still can't believe it! I would pinch myself to see if I'm dreaming but it might hurt too much right now!

(photo by MSHI Volunteer - Ed Golding)

Pepper made it to the top!

And so did Lucky Chuck!

Mt. Hood

Mt. Adams

About 10 minutes later the wind really started to blow HARD and the clouds started to move in. They seemed to come out of no where! About that same time Julian asked how my legs were doing and no sooner than I had gotten it out of my mouth that they were feeling good, I suffered another major upper thigh cramp in the opposite leg, once again stealing my ability to breathe because of the agonizing pain. What the heck?! The decision was made quickly that my stay at the top was over. I needed to get on my feet and I needed to get moving down that mountain. Joe, Russ and I left as soon as I could stand up.

Looking back up a few minutes later, the summit was covered in clouds and blowing ash. We were so fortunate to have gotten to see the world from the top because in a matter of minutes, that spectacular view was completely gone.

Going down the mountain was a whole different ballgame than going up. Taking a step down in the scree area was like taking four or five at a time, more like a slide. The wind at this time was unbelievably strong and our goal was to get down to the boulders as quickly as possible for a little shelter. The ash and pumice was like sandpaper on my face, my hat wouldn't stay on my head and I had an overwhelming fear that my hearing aids would be completely ripped from my ears. If that were to happen ALL balance would be gone. Thankfully once we hit the boulders, there was a lot less wind and I could put the vision of flying hearing aids out of my mind.

Eventually the rest of our group caught up to us, passed us, and continued on. Joe had his radio and kept in contact with the other guides, letting them know where we were located. I was slower going down those boulder fields because of my fear of falling. I could not stand up, face forward and use my poles for balance to get down them like most people. I actually had to go down the boulders just like I had gone up them... like a spider. But on the way down, I was going backwards. It was my "technique" and the only way I felt safe enough to navigate those monster rocks. I apologized to Russ and Joe several times that they were having to wait on me but both were very kind and accommodating, both wanted me to take my time and feel safe. We were tired (exhausted is more like it!) and mistakes are easily made if you try to rush it. In the end I wasn't all that far behind the group so honestly, I was harder on myself than I really needed to be.

Once we hit the tree line and left the boulders behind, I found my second wind and I couldn't contain my happiness! It was all smiles (with a grimace here and there) from then on! Russ and I were chatting about the day and what we had accomplished while moving towards the trailhead. We discussed what parts of our bodies hurt (what didn't?!) and were able to relax. I was still moving slowly because now my legs were screaming and stiff but there were no more cramps. We were down and we had accomplished what we had set out to do nearly 12 hours earlier...  reach the summit of Mt. St. Helens.

I am very happy that I chose to go with guides from the Mt. St. Helens Institute for this climb and would recommend them to anyone wanting to climb the mountain with the added assurance of just having those people along that really know what they are doing. I felt safe and cared for. I know Joe and Julian were looking out for my safety and were also encouraging me to believe in myself and do my best. They were there to help and guide. If I didn't realize just how much during the hike, I certainly did after seeing these pictures. They were ALWAYS right there with me... just like my brother was.

Our route was basically striaght up the mountain!

I will never forget this AWESOME adventure and will forever be grateful that my brother was there with me to share the experience. I love you, Russ. Thank you for taking so many great pictures to document our trip!

Somehow my brother's camera created a video along with the still shots.  Bonus!! :)

Can we do it again?! I'm ready!!