On Depression…

I finally clawed – one very short, chewed off fingernail at a time - out of that DEEP… DARK… HOLE… I found myself completely swallowed by for the past couple of years. I would like to believe I will never fall back down there again but with depression, you just never know. I try really hard to stay above it on even ground but every so often something gives me a major shove and I fall right back in there. Getting out is the problem. I fall so far down that I am blinded by the darkness and cannot see any light.

Thankfully I opened up and started talking about it this time in order to save myself from myself… literally. I have surrounded myself with people who love, understand, and are full of compassion. Making those closest to me aware of the situation holds me accountable. I will not let them down. I made a promise to them and to myself…

“MY STORY IS NOT OVER YET”.

My tattoo has started many heartfelt conversations with people that recognized its meaning - people I never knew suffered the same darkness as I do - people who fall into their own “rabbit hole” or “water well”. We are in it together now and are there for each other. Daily.

Those that make fun of, are intolerant of, or make light of depression have never been there themselves. They do not understand.  People who say “get over it”, “you are so selfish”, you are a “mental bitch”, “crazy” and “psychotic” are the reason people like me fall so far. (Yes, those things were said to me.) Depression is an illness. Let’s hope those people never have to see the same type of darkness but get educated some day and be a bit more compassionate to those of us that do.

Opening up and changing my environment has changed my life. Although a certain individual’s words and actions nearly destroyed me, I am ALIVE and WELL and my life is so, so, SO much better now. I see nothing but blue skies and glorious sunshine!