Running Scared

Someone, as in "Anonymous", informed me that I will not be "jogging" a half marathon, I will be RUNNING it!   After reading that, I did a lot of thinking about why the statement had me shuddering with fear.  "Run" and "Jacqueline" have never been in the same sentence together unless there was a negative in there as well, such as "Jacqueline can't run!"  I remember always being picked last (you-are-stuck-with-me last) to be on the various teams during P.E. because... "Jacqueline can't run!"  "Jog" sounds like a much safer word to me.  "Jogging" sounds so much easier and sounds less of a commitment than saying I am going to "run".  Honestly, running is something I have always dreamed of doing but thought I never could.  In fact, I was told by my neurologists (back surgeons) that I wasn't ALLOWED to run.  (Well, of course, if you tell me I can't do something, I will get right out there to prove you wrong!)  I admit, when I first started trying to run it hurt my lower back for a couple of days after each attempt.  It would worry me that I was hurting myself but then when the pain went away, the "I will do it if I want to!" attitude came back! And the pain eventually disappeared.  The furtherest I have been able to run without stopping is 3.8 miles.  It took me 43 minutes but I did it!  As I try to move from being "a walker" to being "a runner", my self-doubts start kicking in.  They hold a very tight grip on me.  Self-doubts are like cement in my shoes.  They scream out, "Jacqueline can't run!!". They make my feet heavy and legs tired. Well... I am going to beat that too!  The word can't is no longer a part of my vocabulary and is no longer used to describe me in any way.

I. AM. GOING. TO. RUN!

But don't worry my friends and fellow walkers... I'm not giving up my love for walking! I will continue to be "a walker" but I just need to spread my wings and fly a bit! :)


"It’s very hard in the beginning to understand that the whole idea is not to beat the other runners. Eventually you learn that the competition is against the little voice inside you that wants you to quit." ~ George Sheehan

"It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not."